I am a gazelle. A 45 year old gazelle.

It's the March break.  I have a week to do pretty much whatever I want.  It has not amounted to much so far, but I have been relaxing to say the least.  No having to run around anywhere or work, other than the day to day laundry, grocery shopping and tidying up. 

Yesterday I thought I would get off my almost 45 year old behind and do something I have thought about. I would go to the gym.  My daughter Jessica goes to the gym almost daily.  She works out for a couple of hours at a time.  I have never seen her work out.

So after a lunch with my dearest friend Michelle (which consisted of a dietary conscious ruben and some fries) I headed over to meet up with Jessica.  I squeezed myself into my yoga pants, a tee shirt and some runners.  Left my mane of now natural curls hanging down. They wouldn't bother me.

As I enter the cardio room I am thankful there are only a couple of people in there.  I walk over to an elliptical machine.  I have heard these are easier on your knees than a treadmill.  As I stand before it I have to ask Jessica for instructions.  She started telling me where I need to put my feet.  I told her I had that much figured out.  What buttons am I supposed to press to get it going?  So there is a dial for the incline and one for resistance.  My 17 year old physically fit child tells me she starts out at 10 and 5.  Well okay, I'll do that too. I put my head phones in my ears and away I go.  My mantra, I am a gazelle. 

I find that I need to hold on to the hand rails as I feel like I am peddling at an awkward angle.  Or possibly I need help balancing on the damn thing.  Five minutes agonizingly slowly goes by.  The calorie counter says I have burned approximately 20 calories.  You have got to be freaking kidding me.  Sweat is running down every crack and crevice of my being.  Recognize now a pony tail would have been an excellent idea.  Breathe in, breathe out, you can do this.  The machine says if I do this for an hour, yes an hour, I can burn approximately 590 calories.  Really?  That's it?  But after 5 minutes, an hour seems an impossibility. Definitely.

I decide maybe I need to change the incline.  Yes, maybe I would feel more comfortable if I reduced the incline from a 10 to a 5.  Okay, now I am at 5 and 5.  That feels a bit better.  I am a gazelle.  I can do this.

Then I look over at Jessica.  Jessica is now at 13 and 10.  She is going full tilt.  She has her hands on her hips.  She does  not need to hold on to anything for balance, life support , nothing.  She is the gazelle.  I am the water buffalo in comparison.

I persevere for 15 minutes.  It is pretty much all I can do.  I count down the seconds until my 15 minutes are up.  I carefully dismount my mechanical steed and head over to the water fountain.  Next time note to self, definitely bring a water bottle.

I walk back in, Jessica is still going.  I decide a tread mill is a safer bet.  15 minutes on a slightly inclined tread mill goes by very quickly.  While I am walking she does a rowing exercise and then crunches with a small medicine ball. I walk.  I get off.  I stretch a bit and I am done. My 17 year old gazelle has been at this over an hour and a half.  The 45 year old gazelle (in 2 weeks) managed to get through 30 minutes without being carried away on a stretcher.

We get into the truck to run some errands.  My right hip is telling me it is not in the right place.  And then PMS strikes.  Day 21 was a few days ago, and now my ovaries are complaining about their existence.   We head over to M&Ms. We need their fabulous crinkle cut fries to go along with my fabulous chili for supper tonight.  Oh look, we are coincidentally in the parking lot of my chiropractor.  I need to make an appointment.  I walk in and lucky me he can take me right away.  Lay on your side, bend your knee, breathe in and hear a deafening crunch, clunk and ahhhhh.  Much better. Drive home, head to the medicine basket and pop 3 ibuprofen.  I am a gazelle.

The gazelle will rise again.  With a pony tail and a water bottle.  She will recognize she is not 17 and does not gallop about on a regular basis.  She will try the elliptical again, but on a much lower incline. She won't look at the calorie counter either. I am a mature gazelle.